Pretentious Pictures Presents:

Politically correct sex
A musical comedy
click on the songs you want to hear:
Her fears about men, his fears about women—then they switch. Barry Grace (a former director of the Irish Film Board) wrote the music, I the comedy:
 
COREY prefers her fantasies to being with a real man, and does a dance with Attila the Hun and his men as they rape her. Then she kicks Attila off and sings about why she prefers this to being with "A Real Man":
Her boyfriend CONOR is a feckless young man—"Not an ounce of feck in him"—who avoids involvement, doesn’t pay his debts and sings a hymn to "Money":
COREY and their friends are trying to get him to take more responsibility but, “No no no,” he protests, “you’re trying to give me a character! If I had a character I’d be a screaming claustrophobic! I have no me’! The hard things I’ve had to do without me’, and the best ones—lift it away. He sings "The Heart Is a Kite":
He confesses one of his nightmares, an attack by giant feminists. CONOR and his friends CAL and CORNELIUS are stomped by a giant foot, and recognize it as someone who gave them an STD. They sing "You Mugged Me, My Love": 
They get drunk, creep into the enemy camp where the giantesses lie sleeping, and make love to huge yonis, but are discovered and pounded like ants at a picnic. CONOR is strapped to a table by COREY, CASSIE, a butch roller-derby girl, and CAREN, a blonde model, real dumb. CASSIE removes CONOR’S thing—"You’ll feel better now"—and displays it in a jar.  "She’s right!  I feel great!" says CONNOR, and he sings "Never Complain, Never Explain":
But it was a dream. Himself again, CONOR spots CAREN at an art opening and dances with her seductively to "While Standing at the Vernissage":
COREY comes in and sees them, and they have an agonizing confrontation over love. She is less beautiful than CAREN, she insists. No no no no no, he says, and she challenges him to feel like a woman. I’d like to, he says, and CAL, who’s a medical student, says his professor can bring it off. COREY sings a love song about CONOR, but alas, we haven't recorded it yet.
The SURGEON says, "I have developed a post-Freudian science of the mind." "Why are you so down on Freud?" "Freud swallowed Darwin whole!"  "So what’s wrong with Darwin?" "Pure mythology. Doesn’t hold a drop of water." "Then who are we? What are we?" "The scientific answer, Doctor, is—we don’t know." They dance the monkey dance to "The Accidental Monkey":
CONOR persuades dumb-blonde CAREN to trade bodies with him, and they sing What a Strange Thing Am I (coming soon). But when they do the operation they don’t find a brain in hera few synaptic gaps, that's it. "Is she a model? You should have told me!" She comes to and says, "So who am I?"
CONOR's brain is now in a jar hooked up to a speaker and a videocam, and women volunteering to trade bodies parade before him. One of them, CORNELIUS, who’s been hinting all along that he’s gay, cavorts in drag, and looks so good that CONOR mistakes him for a woman, chooses “her”—and wakes up still a man! CORNELIUS is happy to have become a handsome man with bigger equipment, and sings "Song of Sodomy":  
But CONOR is miserable in CORNELIUS's body. On a subway platform he sees COREY about to jump in front of a train—her love for him has broken her heart—and stops her just in time, though she doesn’t recognize him right away. Together they sing "Human Joy Takes Many Forms":
 
Rather than throw her life away, why doesn’t she trade bodies with him?—if he can get his own back. The SURGEON is indignant, but COREY is willing, and sings the love song, "Do You Have to Be a Woman?":
And CORNELIUS wants his body back.  "You’re just too tight, honey! I’m getting a hemorrhoid!" CONOR is horrified: "What have you been doing with my body?" Well, CORNELIUS has made certain improvements, and sings "Unfellatable" to the approximate tune of "Unforgettable":
When the operation is over CORNELIUS is so happy to be himself again that he sings "Me":
COREY and CONOR, now in each other’s bodies, explore the differences in sexual feeling, and sing "Suggest, in Fact, Request":
They decide to get married—but first they want their own bodies back. The SURGEON agrees reluctantly, but a plug gets kicked out in the operating room, and CONOR—dies. But they bring him back. The SURGEON wants to know what it’s like on the other side, and CONOR, still half-dead, sings "Enticing Dreams":
But that's not enough for the SURGEON
—he wants to know, and Conor, weak, vacant, sings: 

Oh, I got to the light,
I arrived at the height,
And a loverly sight
It was too.
But I had to come back,
Yes I had to come back,
I just had to come back
(to COREY)
To you.
(getting stronger)
I crossed the wide chasm,
Became ectoplasm
And found the orgasm
Was long overdue -
But I had to come back,
I had to come back,
I had to come back
To you.
(He pinches her behind. She squeals.)

COREY
He spurned the effulgence -
Preferred the indulgence
Of sticking his bulgence
In one tried and true -

ALL
(to COREY)
So he had to come back,
He had to come back,
He had to come back
To you.

SURGEON
He found, after jumping,
He still missed the humping,
And felt there was sumping
He had left to do -

ALL
(to COREY)
So he had to come back,
He had to come back,
He had to come back
To you.

CAL
There was ice cream forever,
Remarks ultra-clever
And sex with whoever
You wanted to do -

ALL
(to COREY)
But he had to come back,
He had to come back,
He had to come back
To you.

CONOR
(totally alive, to CAREN)
Oh, I love to love you
(to CASSIE)
And I love to love you
(to the various audience members)
And I love to love you,
And you and you,
(to COREY)
But I had to come back,
I had to come back,
I had to come back
To you!

ALL
Yes, he had to come back,
He had to come back,
He had to come back
(to COREY)
To you.

COREY and CONOR kiss. CORNELIUS and CAL kiss. CASSIE and CAREN kiss. CAREN and the SURGEON kiss.

CASSIE and CONOR kiss. COREY and CAL kiss. CORNELIUS and the SURGEON kiss. CAREN and CORNELIUS kiss.


COREY and CONOR kiss.


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