Pretentious Pictures presents a slate of "Toby" comedies—

—about gigolo / tour guide / lazybones Toby Tucker, written by Robert MacLean, based on these books, set, like the Bond films, in various pleasure zones, starring Billy Zane.
Hardcover Foreign Matter was published by Atheneum/Macmillan in New York:
“A very, very funny book."—The West Coast Review of Books
“Fresh and spirited.”—Publishers Weekly
“Enormously enjoyable.”—Kirkus Reviews
“A complete success.”—Books in Canada
“A delightfully comic creation.”—The Montreal Gazette
“Funny, ebullient comedy of errors.”—Santa Cruz Sentinal
“The feel of a Peter Sellers movie.”—Wichita Eagle-Beacon
“Fast-moving and funny.”—Anniston Star
“The most hilarious book I have ever read.”—Goodreads
“Physical comedy sequences on par with the best of Chaplin and Keaton.”—Amazon
“Could bode well for his future.”—The New York Times
Let’s hope so.

Toby travels with a woman who pays.  He's got it made, except that her nine-year-old daughter is smarter than he is, and treats him as her yo-yo.
Foreign Matter begins with Toby tour-guiding in Venice, where he meets rich blonde bubble-head Marcie and abandons the tour to rub noses with her, till he runs out of money.  “To-bee!  Let's just live on my money!”  Well, it’s awkward but what can one say?  He reclines into the good life, and they fly to Greece.
Marcie’s father-in-law Haze, billionaire Hazelton Turnbull “Hard Turd” Harding IV, loathes Toby, and loathes giving Marcie her allowance to feed him. But he loves his little granddaughter, and she's where the power lies.

When Haze spends Marcie’s money on a painting for the Harding Memorial Museum, she talks Toby into stealing it...

The thing about Toby is that he's absolutely useless—a slack good-for-nothing fugitive from the it-isn’t-doing-you-any-good-unless-it-hurts society.  As the Montreal Gazzette said, “his most exasperating quality is also his most endearing: the more we get to know him, the less we expect from him.”  
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In Total Moisture Haze has summoned Marcie and Andrea to Cannes, so they can pose as a family while he has himself adopted by a Belgian count to gain the title—and pass it on to Andrea. But the Countess only has eyes for Toby and the contest is on: Toby and Haze have to get rid of one another.
“Laugh-out-loud tears-in-you-eyes funny,” says a review. (I’m not making this up.)
The Cad is a prequel about Toby’s days as an incompetent tour guide and guardian angel to a group of Americans in Greece, wherein he has a love affair that threatens to make a solid citizen of him.

He’s skipped before to winter with clients as a gigolo: now his boss has his passport, and if anything goes wrong will turn it over to the work-permit police.

But he sleeps in and the tour starts a day late. Fred and Felicia's marriage is crumbling, and while Toby plays therapist to them she's footsying him.

Hopelessly uninformed about the ancient sites, he is publicly humiliated by the anti-American Professor Smeed, of Oxford.  
Teenage Bonnie, the daughter of an arms dealer who has money in the tour company, crawls into bed with Toby and he, with all the tenderness he can manage, throws her out—but her Aunt Sinolda thinks Toby's after Bonnie and, hawk-like anyway, watches him.

Mr Mishima, a Japanese businessman whom acupuncture has left with a permanent and humiliating erection, is embarrassed him into a more or less constant bow.

Princeton Professor Elaine pries herself out of an embarrassing liaison with beach boy Teat (who is anyway more interested in Bonnie)—and moves in with Toby. And the love affair between an intellectual and a ne'er-do-well stretches him toward seriousness, her toward romance, and both toward marriage. A sophisticated tone, in comic soup. 

“I had to keep reminding myself that I was reading a book and not watching a movie - Robert MacLean's ‘The Cad’ is that entertaining.” (I didn’t say it!)
Will You Please Fuck Off? comprises three Toby novellas: “The Fat Girls Contest,” about Toby’s days as an English tutor in Paris—

—“Certainly Something,” in which he’s moved south to tour-guide (neither of these has yet become a script)—
—and the title piece, which is a script: Toby, Marcie and “the child” are in London, where Haze plans to marry Marcie into an aristocratic family—
—Toby accidentally moons the Queen—
—and as if he didn’t have enough trouble, is stalked by a gay ghost.
In Ain't It Awful, we’re on Hydra.
Toby’s best friend’s new bride likes climbing in his window. Haze has come to the island to shoot a commercial for his new shampoo, and is being stalked by terrorist, the Organic Avenger, for polluting the sea with it. Toby himself is being stalked by a chambermaid from the Ritz in Paris who claims he made her pregnant. He rejects her because she’s fat, and she makes attempts on his life.
Finally, in The Worst That Could Happen, a story of the ant and the grasshopper, we throw Toby into a future without Marcie, in which he finds a home with a widow who’s trying to hang onto her Greek-island hotel and is being foreclosed on by a developer who, well, dies, and the whole village conspires to cover it up. Where’s the body? Hmm. Don’t order the mousaka.
Like the James Bond series, the Tobies are set in various pleasure zones, though we favor Greece and the Mediterranean. Who doesn’t?
Pretentious Pictures presents some summer comedies.

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